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"Unwanted Inhabitants"

 

Down in the dust I seen myself, looking in the mirror where was my health?

Contemplating life, is it real or facade?

Sometimes it got so scary but I couldn't run or hide.

My son was only 1 as he watched me go through it.

In and out of hospitals hoping something would cure it.

I swallowed a handful of pills trying to meet God.

But he knew it wasn't my time so he gave me the nod.

The nod to gain strength and the confidence to live longer.

Although that was my first attempt, who knew they'd be another.

The voices got louder in my head, they said " do it" and all I saw was red.

My skin, scaled by the hot water streaming through my shower.

A voice said "nobody loves you" but through death you'll bloom a flower...

2 days had passed and still something wasn't right, I felt the need to cry.

I needed God to hold me tight.

I went through social anxiety, even with my son.

I believed he wasn't mine, but in all actuality, I pushed him out at 21.

Scared and alone, I was afraid.

What seemed like a cry for attention really was me looking for another way.

Almost 2 years in a mental hospital, broke me down.

Looked at as "another client" just roaming around.

I thought progress was made, hmph lucky me.

Released after 14 months and still couldn't believe.

Finally in the world, "freedom" was calling my name.

But I wasn't free, see, I still needed drugs to ease my pain.

Beginning of 2019 changed my life.

The voices in my head? Yea they came back, causing me terrible strife.

Barefoot, I turned to nature, and went in the woods.

Sharp limbs scratched my skin, but I stayed numb as I could.

Deep in trance, stripped naked in my neighborhood.

A solemn cry to the heavens "make it stop," but until I realized the severity of schizophrenia..

God said it would not.

Beyond my will, I was taken into custody.. to the same hospital, I know didn't love me.

Belittled and mistreated for 4 months... enough.. enough, time to Wake Up!

I've got goals to achieve, I'm a MOTHER, no room to be stuck.

 

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